Decluttering the self?

***I feel like I need a little disclaimer here.  This week we’re going to examine barriers to inner peace.  I had an entire post written on clearing out our physical spaces.  However, when I sat down to give it a little edit, the entire post that follows poured out.  I hadn't intended to start here, but maybe it will speak to you.  There must be some reason this personally unflattering stuff just jumped onto the page!***

Decluttering the Self

Everything we own, everything we wear, the car we drive or bike we ride, the music we listen to, the pages we follow on social media, all say something about who we are or who we think we should be.

I was once on a spiritual retreat, and during a time of creative response, an attractive at-home mom from an affluent community showed off a perfectly coiffed paper plate mask, complete with lipstick and pearls. She said that it was the image she projected to everyone, even her closest friends. I thought that was terrible! I ached for her inability to show vulnerability to her loved ones and was more than a little appalled by her inauthenticity.

Here’s the kicker.  It’s a decade later and I realize that I've pretty much done the same thing! I live in the same community as that woman although I joke that I live in the “slums of Swankytown”.  I have spent just as much time and energy crafting my own persona.  For years I drove past the exemplary school in my neighborhood to a woodsy little private school (12 miles away) so our children wouldn't go to school with the “rich kids”.  Did I mention it was private?  Those children weren't missing any meals, I can see the warped logic now.  I have been militant about reusable, BPA free lunch containers and organic food in part out of concern for our health and that of the environment, but in part because it fortifies my “I live in the suburbs, but I’m really more earthy than this!” identity. 

What does that have to do with meditation?

I know you're wondering!  It has everything to do with being completely at peace with ourselves and spreading that peace to others.  It has everything to do with giving and accepting grace.

When we intensify our individual identity, it prevents us from connecting with others’ humanity.  Instead of seeking to find common ground, we merely raise our voices to prove our point.  We judge and condemn without acknowledging that the person on the other side of the issue, on the other side of the table, on the other side of the playing field, on the other side of the tracks, is a person—a valuable child of God or the universe or whatever that deserves to be respected and honored and heard.  In that same manner, each of us is a valuable piece of humanity that deserves to be respected and honored and heard.

How about a tiny bit of work?

Spend a little time today thinking about the thoughts, beliefs and actions you use to define yourself.  How would it feel to loosen your grip on a long-held belief and give in to not really knowing?  Here is a little exercise you might practice today:

When you encounter someone who holds a radically different belief (it's election season in the US, so this should be easy) 

• Take a deep breath and consciously relax your body.  
• Recognize the the tightening.  Where do you feel it physically?  In your chest? your throat or gut?  
• As you continue to focus on your breath, recognize that the person or group on the other side of the issue is human and allow that tension to melt.  Have I mentioned before that I remind myself daily to "be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a difficult battle"?

Feeling brave?  

Consider sharing some of the thoughts, beliefs and attitudes to which you cling?  In what ways do you define yourself that keeps you from connecting with others?  I bet you aren't alone.